Feed me, or I'll trample on your wellies.

There's a few things you should know about training chickens. Firstly, they will train you far quicker than you will train them. Second, they rank only behind dogs for their ability to employ cuteness and persistence to extract food from you. Within days your chickens will have trained you to fulfil their every whim.

For example, when we got our first two girls, and introduced them to their new home including a lovingly hand made perch my husband had toiled over for hours, sanding away any risk of splinters, checking heights, sturdiness, aesthetics, and not without some DIY related personal injury and quite a bit of swearing, they refused to perch.

So we provided bedding on the floor, and it being the first night, that comprised part of an old duvet (so their little bottom's didn't get cold on the floor) and so it went on until we installed a ramp so they didn't have to make an effort to jump the four inches to the perch itself.

And then there is feeding time. All the girls have worked out that if they rush me, stand on my wellies and prevent me from moving, I'm more likely to distract them with corn so I can make my way to top up their feeder.

And woe betide if you don't play ball. I once lost part of an earlobe to Beastie who, enraged that I was hand feeding Hoppy in my arms, launched herself onto my shoulder and proceeded to clamp her beak onto my ear and attempt to tug it off whilst squawking loudly into my ear through her still clamped beak.

So how do you train chickens better than they can train you ?